to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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