Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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