I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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