I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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