32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
