i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
