nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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