i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
