Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
