conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
