Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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