i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
either way he was missing a nipple.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
