So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
