I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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