I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
