I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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