so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
