I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
