You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
