I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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