My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
