Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i dont even know how to be here
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
