part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
