Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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