We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
