you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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