the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
