i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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