If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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