i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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