I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
