all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
