It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
