please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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