C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
