Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
