I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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