So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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