Whoa Z and x make the same sound
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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