I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
