Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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