Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
