Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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