i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
