ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
