no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
