Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
