I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
