We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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