I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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