I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
