He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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