i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
