Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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