Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Panties = found
He has the fingertips of a God
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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