You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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