Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
