his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
