Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
