My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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