my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
