is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
