Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
