I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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