hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
